Where are you?

I have been thinking a lot about an old friend, we will call her LC. I didn’t spend all that much time with her, but somehow, I managed to make her hate me on at least three separate occasions.

She sat across from me in a freshman political theory seminar. I hated that class. Its only redeeming quality was this spark plug of a redhead -- shapely, great teeth, and an opinionated talker. After a particularly heated exchange (how I knew enough about political theory as a freshman to have a heated exchange I will never know), we got coffee. I knew then that she would end up hating me. She was everything I couldn’t be – sincere, funny, caring and smart. I was an ass. After months of late night conversations (and one incredible night on the beach), she grew increasingly frustrated with my antics and disappeared (to this day, I don’t remember what I did, but I do remember her leaving).

How, I don’t know, we reconnected my senior year (she had transferred). As luck would have it, she was going to be in town for my college graduation and wanted to meet up. Again, I was an ass. She spent the weekend with me, and I spent the weekend distracted by a girl who disappeared shortly thereafter.

After months of avoiding my phone calls (and listening to my absurd apologies on her voicemail), we began talking again my first year in graduate school. She had an interview. I had an apartment. She stayed two nights. I stayed one (the girl I spent the other night with was a mistake, and gone within a month). Needless to say, we did not part on good terms.

Here is the kicker -- I never slept with her. I never saw her naked. We kissed briefly a few times in college. For the first and only time in my life, not sleeping with someone was my downfall. She liked me. I thought not sleeping with her was the answer. I was wrong. She hated me for “rejecting” her.

Regardless, the point of this is that I miss her. Selfishly, I enjoyed what we had. I don’t connect well with people. I have a lot of friends, but not many that I actually talk to. I talked with her. She listened. Now, she won’t acknowledge my existence. It hurts. For what it is worth LC, I am sorry.