The Devil pt. 2

Our second year “together” began promisingly enough. For the first few weeks, it appeared as though she was ready and willing to dedicate herself to me. We spent quality time with each other, I met her family, interacted with her high school friends, and, for the first time, was introduced as her boyfriend. I was in heaven. It was not to last.

As the herd from the previous summer slowly crept back into the picture, I was again the odd man out. She began to spend an obnoxious amount of time with individuals I had once counted as my best friends; punctuated by an awkward moment spent between my girlfriend and my former comrade in a bathroom. To this day, the true happenings of that evening remain a mystery.

As I fought to maintain my foothold in her life, the summer came crashing to an end, capped by her departure to a foreign land on my nineteenth birthday.

I would like to say I was able to regain my confidence in her absence – but it would be a lie. From the moment she stepped on that plane, until the time she finally broke my heart beyond the point of repair, I pined for her, eagerly counting down the minutes until I could once again hold her in my arms.

Led by my blind faith, I purchased a ticket to visit her abroad. My only free time was during the Christmas and New Years break of 1998 – I packed my bags, kissed the family goodbye, and disappeared. It was my brother’s last holiday.

While the trip had its ups, I remember it more for the downs. She was moody, indecisive, and generally annoyed by my presence. Regardless, I left very much in love.

After my turbulent visit, I returned to the states as determined as ever to prove my worthiness. I spent hours in the gym in a pathetic attempt to impress her with a muscular transformation. I wrote letter, made phone calls, and drove myself deeper into debt. There was no limit to my love.

My brother passed away within months of my visit. In my time of need, I turned to her for support. She returned that gesture by cheating on me, justifying it by explaining that I had failed to give her the support she needed. I was despondent. Thankfully, but regrettably, my female friend from high school stepped up to save me (http://aloneontheisle.blogspot.com/2007/09/another-in-long-line.html). I swore, right then and there, that I would never let her back into my life. I would, as always, falter.