Lucky man

After a lifetime of unreturned phone calls, forgotten birthdays, and missed moments, I struggled to quell my constant fear of abandonment. When I sensed it rising to the surface, eagerly anticipating yet another destroyed day, I brushed it off with a joke and a smile, but I knew I was fucked; for no matter how bad I wanted them – anyone really – to reach out an comfort me, it never seemed to occur (at least not in my mind), and my sense of self-worth and confidence died just a little more.

Nowadays, however, I understand that I need them less than they need me, which, as you can imagine, is not much. I am not going to spend the rest of my days wondering how long it would take for someone to find my body in the event something ever happens to me (a real life long fear). After spending a weekend surrounded by those that truly seem to love and support me, it is clear that everything is going to be okay, and that I have no reason to allow the failings of others to consume my everyday.