The fear of losing those I hold dear not only keeps me awake at night, but often causes me to drown those I love with constant affection. I now fear that this unchecked desire has lead to the unfortunate—and ultimately preventable—tragedy before me.
There were signs a few months back that my need to give you all that this world had to offer was burning you out, but I ignored them, choosing instead to chalk up your antics to the heat, childhood angst, stress, etc. I know now that I was wrong—that I should have paid more attention to the outward manifestations of your internal turmoil; that I should have set you free and allowed you to grow and blossom at your own speed.
As I say these final words, please know that I will live with this failure for the remainder of my days, and that no matter how many others come after you, you will always be the one that had my heart first.
10-1-07 to 7-1-08.
1 comment:
oh, my dear friend.
i grieve.
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