Worth the read

I have previously directed readers to different blogs – and whether you read them or not is up to you (there is no reason to take my word as what you should and should not do in your free time) – but if you have not read those blogs/sites, please, if you do nothing else, read the site I am attaching below.

It was a blog written by Andrew Olmstead, an active duty soldier who was recently killed in Iraq. It is one of the most incredible things I have ever read, especially the final posthumous entry – It brought me to tears, and made me rethink my own existence. I wish I had something more to say, but I don’t, so here it is.

http://www.andrewolmsted.com/

You may be confused

“It’s nice to finally meet a respectfully, well rounded man” she said. I just smiled, wondering silently how she got that impression.

The Devil pt. 2

Our second year “together” began promisingly enough. For the first few weeks, it appeared as though she was ready and willing to dedicate herself to me. We spent quality time with each other, I met her family, interacted with her high school friends, and, for the first time, was introduced as her boyfriend. I was in heaven. It was not to last.

As the herd from the previous summer slowly crept back into the picture, I was again the odd man out. She began to spend an obnoxious amount of time with individuals I had once counted as my best friends; punctuated by an awkward moment spent between my girlfriend and my former comrade in a bathroom. To this day, the true happenings of that evening remain a mystery.

As I fought to maintain my foothold in her life, the summer came crashing to an end, capped by her departure to a foreign land on my nineteenth birthday.

I would like to say I was able to regain my confidence in her absence – but it would be a lie. From the moment she stepped on that plane, until the time she finally broke my heart beyond the point of repair, I pined for her, eagerly counting down the minutes until I could once again hold her in my arms.

Led by my blind faith, I purchased a ticket to visit her abroad. My only free time was during the Christmas and New Years break of 1998 – I packed my bags, kissed the family goodbye, and disappeared. It was my brother’s last holiday.

While the trip had its ups, I remember it more for the downs. She was moody, indecisive, and generally annoyed by my presence. Regardless, I left very much in love.

After my turbulent visit, I returned to the states as determined as ever to prove my worthiness. I spent hours in the gym in a pathetic attempt to impress her with a muscular transformation. I wrote letter, made phone calls, and drove myself deeper into debt. There was no limit to my love.

My brother passed away within months of my visit. In my time of need, I turned to her for support. She returned that gesture by cheating on me, justifying it by explaining that I had failed to give her the support she needed. I was despondent. Thankfully, but regrettably, my female friend from high school stepped up to save me (http://aloneontheisle.blogspot.com/2007/09/another-in-long-line.html). I swore, right then and there, that I would never let her back into my life. I would, as always, falter.

The Devil Pt. 1

To say I was smitten at first sight would be an understatement. She was everything I thought I wanted – confident, sexy, and experienced. I had no clue at that moment of the destructive effect she would have on my life.

We worked together at a large retail store; she was a receptionist, I was a cart attendant. My friends saw her first, and immediately set out to gain her attention. I should have backed off – they were my best friends. But regardless of the possible ramifications, I could not control myself. For the first time in my life, I saw something I was willing to mortgage my future to obtain. Once she figured this out, I was a goner, and I didn’t even realize it. Over the following months, she masterfully played my friends and I off each other, slowly destroying the relationships we had spent a life time constructing. From this experience, we would never recover, but that is for another time.

Once friendless, I was completely beholden to her. Forced to befriend her clan, I came to rely on her for everything but the air I breathed.

During the first year we were “together”, she hooked up with no less than seven men in front of me; each time blaming me for not being enough of a man to keep her happy. I dutifully responded each and every time by spending more money, time and effort to meet each and every one of her needs and desires. Sinking so low as slink out of her bedroom when other men would come calling. I was ashamed of myself for devolving into a helpless puppy, but believed her with every ounce of my being when she said she was trying to figure things out.

When others would get wise, and cast her aside, I was the one she called to comfort her. This cycle repeated itself at an alarming rate. Shockingly, and to my great surprise, as our first year at college came to an end, and the steady stream of men had dried to a trickle -- either sick of her childish games, or gone for summer -- she informed me that she would let me be her “exclusive” boyfriend until she boarded a plane for a foreign land the following fall. I thought my perseverance had finally paid off. As time would tell, I was horribly wrong.

Fuck them for making you worry like this.

It will work out, you will come out of this on your feet, and you will continue to be a ray of sunlight in our lives.

Good things come to those who wait

I could taste her long before she acknowledged my existence. For months I planned, mapping her nakedness throughout the days. As I injected myself into her existence, I felt her goodness, but sensed her will faltering. She was ignorant of her body’s desires, but I knew, deep in my being, that she wanted nothing more than to have me ravage her. Patience, sexual tension, and years of loneliness were all I needed to push past her moral moat. She is the crown jewel of my life’s conquests – a victory to savor, cherish, and revel in for a lifetime.

The countdown begins

I shrug it off, but underneath, I am deathly afraid that I am going to head off into the mountains, be consumed by the trail and staggering elevation, and fall flat in my pursuit of running splendor – forced instead to slink home with nothing but a bruised ego to show for my efforts. Everyday I push myself to the breaking point, and am continually amazed at just how much my body is able to endure – but remain unconvinced that I can will myself to gut out the nine hours it will take to complete this idiotic test of endurance. Consequently, I train harder, longer, and with more intensity – knowing that if I am unsuccessful, it will not be because I neglected to take the necessary steps, but because I finally found my body’s outer limit. Sixty days and counting.

In my dreams you are alive – a bright eyed, wondrous young man with a world of hope in front of him. I only wish I knew how to make those nights last forever.

This is not a game

I am overly competitive. I know this, and do all I can to keep it under control. However, if challenged, I will do everything humanly possible to prevail, regardless of the ramifications to my victims personal and/or professional life. You know this, having previously acknowledged the crazed look that flashes when my guard is down. As should be obvious, I am trying to hold it together, and protect you; but you keep pushing, poking, prodding, and tempting me to make your life a living hell – I advise you stop.

Just another day at the office

The thought of tortuously removing the grin from his contemptible face with a series of strategically placed paper cuts has helped me get through the day – I may have a problem.

Self-Promotion Part II

Another shameless self-promotion: http://sixsentences.blogspot.com/2008/02/simple-pleasures.html.