By all measures, I have a perfect life -- great job, beautiful wife, three loving families, and money in the bank, but I am scared. I am scared because no matter how much I achieve, or how many “goals” I check off my list, I am still the kid at the back of the class wondering what the fuck is going on. I just don’t see it anymore. I lost my voice.
When I get excited, people find it immature. When I get impassioned, I am getting ahead of myself. When I am insecure, I am seeking attention. But you have a warped perception. I am twenty-nine, worried to death that I will fail, that I am nothing more than a highly paid cart attendant – performing tasks that allow the masses to function effortlessly. When taken apart from the whole, I have accomplished nothing more than pulling the wool over the eyes of over-worked and underpaid professors, falling into a job or two and hanging around just long enough to be liked, but never long enough to be tested.
To be great is oversold – I don’t long for it. I have smaller ambitions – I want to be understood, appreciated and accepted for what I am not.
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2 comments:
I think you are the greatest person I know
But o, how much worse, to sink into obscurity? without touching nary a soul?? People test you all the time (even without the facade of 'work')..and I suspect you've passed many a rigorous test with flying colors-you just didn't know what you were tested on!
:)
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